Featured on the Best Therapists Podcast: Understanding and Repairing Contempt in Relationships
Learn how contempt—the most toxic of the Gottman “Four Horsemen”—shows up in relationships and what you can do to prevent it. In this episode of What Your Therapist Thinks, I share Gottman-based strategies to repair trust, improve communication, and keep your relationship contempt-free. If you’re interested in learning how I help couples repair trust, visit my Couples Counseling page →
I recently had the privilege of joining hosts Kristie Plantinga and Felicia Keller Boyle on the Best Therapists podcast, What Your Therapist Thinks, for a conversation about one of the most corrosive forces in intimate relationships—contempt.
It was a pleasure to speak with Kristie and Felicia, both of whom bring thoughtfulness, humor, and depth to their work. Their questions reflected a genuine curiosity about what helps couples move from defensiveness and disconnection back toward empathy and repair.
🎧 Listen to the Episode
You can listen to the full conversation on your preferred platform:
There’s also a companion article, “Contempt in Relationships”, on BestTherapists.com that summarizes the key takeaways from our discussion.
💬 What We Talked About
In my practice with couples, contempt is one of the conflict patterns I pay closest attention to. Drawing largely from the Gottman Method, we discussed how contempt—whether expressed through sarcasm, eye-rolling, or a subtle tone of superiority—signals a deeper breakdown in respect and emotional safety.
Some of the topics we explored included:
Why contempt is the most dangerous of Gottman’s “Four Horsemen.”
How to distinguish frustration from contempt, and why the difference matters.
The five-to-one ratio—the research-backed balance of positive to negative interactions that predicts relationship health.
Why early intervention is essential, and how couples can begin to repair patterns before they harden into hopelessness.
🧠 From the Therapy Room
After more than twenty-five years working with couples in Utah and North Carolina, I’ve seen how contempt can sneak into relationships gradually—often disguised as humor, sarcasm, or “helpful” correction. But I’ve also seen couples rebuild after years of distance by learning to approach each other with curiosity instead of criticism.
Through structured interventions—many drawn from the Gottman Method and Dialectical Behavior Therapy—I help distressed couples learn to replace contempt with validation, appreciation, and genuine repair.
🎙 About the Hosts
The What Your Therapist Thinks podcast is produced by BestTherapists.com, a platform devoted to ethical, transparent therapist listings and education for both clients and professionals.
Host Kristie Plantinga brings a deep understanding of therapy practice and digital transparency, while Felicia Keller Boyle, who also runs The Bad Therapist, helps clinicians build businesses grounded in authenticity and purpose. Together, they make clinical conversations accessible, relevant, and refreshingly human.
🩵 A Personal Reflection
I’m grateful for opportunities like this to bridge what I know from research with what I see every week in my practice—real couples working hard to reconnect after years of distance or conflict. Contempt doesn’t have to define a relationship’s future. With the right tools, awareness, and commitment, partners can write a very different story together.
If you’re noticing sarcasm, emotional withdrawal, or that constant edge of criticism in your relationship, that’s often a signal it’s time for help. Schedule a consultation to begin rebuilding communication and connection.
